Mitt Romney, Madonna + More Land on GQ’s List of 2012’s Least Influential People
Favorites include failed presidential candidate Mitt Romney, vehicular danger Amanda Bynes, palate destroyer Guy Fieri, the hilariously titled “Whoever Directed John Carter,” and perennial Oscar host Billy Crystal.
Congratulations, you’re all utterly irrelevant.
Unlike Walters’ list, the GQ selections focus on the most newsworthy people who are either depraved, the definition of “train wreck” or just plain facepalm-worthy. Basically, if you don’t want your children to grow up to become them, they’re fair game.
Topping the list is none other than Mitt Romney, who not only lost the presidential election but all his hopes and dreams of replacing the middle class with dancing horses. But it’s okay — he and Donald Trump can wipe their tears with stacks of hundred dollar bills.
Amanda Bynes also made the cut, solely because she’s somehow a worse driver than Lindsay Lohan and rivals her peer for tabloid page space and how much fear their vehicular antics strike in the hearts of average citizens.
The top pop star to make the list is Madonna, who’s doing silly desperate crap like flashing her ass to concertgoers despite being perilously close to a senior citizen’s discount at Denny’s. Sorry, Madge. Maybe it’s time to hang up your bullet bra.
Guy Fieri landed a spot for his restaurant Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar, which was destroyed in a New York Times review for having a blue drink “that glows like nuclear waste” and tastes like “radiator fluid and formaldehyde.” And also for not knowing how to properly wear sunglasses.
While comedian Adam Sandler was chosen for his tendency to write and star in awful movies, particularly this year’s flop ‘That’s My Boy,’ which relied on themes of statutory rape, incest and cameos from Vanilla Ice to carry the plot. (But in fairness to Ice, he probably saved the movie from being completely unwatchable.)
Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte also made the list, perhaps as proof that a whole lot of pretty people should be seen and not heard.
Overall we agree with most of the entries, save for two: Michelle Obama, who’s certainly influenced us to spend more time working on our arms at the gym, and screenwriter Aaron Sorkin, because come on, he’s a god and we all know it. [I made her say that. — Ed.]
Here are all 25 people on GQ’s list:
- Mitt Romney
- Amanda Bynes
- Dwight Howard
- George Zimmerman
- Michelle Obama
- Ryan Lochte
- Gregg Williams
- Jerry Sandusky’s Lawyer
- Guy Fieri
- Keith Olbermann
- Lance Armstrong
- Billy Crystal
- Bobby Valentine
- Whoever Directed John Carter
- James Dolan
- Aaron Sorkin
- Adam Sandler
- The Remaining Scraps of Occupy Wall Street
- Jamie Dimon
- James Brady
- Jim Lehrer
- Hulk Hogan
- Tucker Carlson