The winter Olympics got me thinking that we needed our own Olympic Sports. Just like you can only ski where it's snowing, these sports would involve you being in close proximity to trailer parks and used tires. What would an East Texas Olympic Sport be?


  • Fargo Police Dept.
    Fargo Police Dept.

    That's Methed Up

    This one you can do on the loop after they deploy the spike strips. Try to hide all the grams of meth in the car, somewhere in your body. Don't miss any, cause that's a felony you're catching.

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    Professional Uphill Conservativism

    Keep up the good fight. We will hold on to the flag, and kiss the capital steps in Texas. That guy Trump is okay as long as he actually builds a wall. Don't take away my guns, bro.

  • Getty Images/iStockphoto
    Getty Images/iStockphoto

    Packing Your Stuff

    Jobs might be leaving the area, but don't worry, just pack up and move to get a job. You can come back when industry returns to town. It's going to be any day now, according to local government, so hold your breath.

  • Getty Images
    Getty Images

    Gas Hike

    To win just fork over at least 30 cents more per gallon than any other part of the state pays. This can only be won if you have a lifted older truck getting about 8 MPG. Takes a lot more effort to get all that gas here through the pine curtain.

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    Freestyle Retirement Home Building

    To become a retirement oasis close to a Wal-Mart you gotta pour a lot of concrete. Build it and they will come, fill up all the rooms with baby boomers, and take the gold medal! Just watch out for health care reform.

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